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魔法豆豆 幻想曲多来踩踩，就算变成一颗扁豆——被踩扁的豆我也在所不辞 July 03 bellybelly the bulging belly is the only evidence that i'm alive
i'm feeling what carrying a baby is
i want to give birth to a real one....
but i just don't have the diaper money haha
July 01 stop degenerating walking like the dead
stuffing myself with anything
anything eatable
drugging myself, degenerating
bulging belly is the only evidence that i'm alive
living without goal is like sailing without a compass
mine is worse,
living without hope is more toxic than drugging
I'll keep on trying, though
Do not, for one repulse, give up the purpose that you resolved to effect.
----Shakespeare June 25 destiny
i struggle to escape from my destiny but in vain there's nothing all illusion
zwieback, yingjiesheng, x-rated, watermelon, vest, uncomfortable, taobao, smoke, roam, quandary, photograph, oilpainting, night, music, life, kaoliang, jealousy, i, home, giggle, fotograph, english, doodles, class, biz, all coating my lostness and loneliness
dreams dont realize they distract me, tear me, peel me, punch me defeated and destroyed but i had to hold, pretend, strive
the TAKE CARE broke my heart waiting not for Godort but also sth that will never come
I'm in the middle of nowhere dim & dark no roads ahead
May 25 b-day unhappyi dun wanna be wordy but i really need a vent to my sadness
this miserable pathetic piteous hideous lady is fucked up, unhappy
wanna puff and drink in flipflops, with heavy makeup
though knowing that won't make any difference,& that won't do any good
anyway, she's screwed
can't do what she is good at, isn't doing what she likes,
won't have what she dreams stealthily, haven't got what she deserves.
she did try,
and she held on, pretending strong
when everything went wrong
she did hope,
wearing a calm face and a forced smile
but the brutal outcome was too much for her.
she can't front it any more before everything will be illuminated.
she breaks down.
 May 11 EMPTIEDTeased by desire,
and pulled back by the hopelessness of its realization,
I'm emptied, abstracted from the no thing i am doing. March 06 confessioni've been trying to avoid this for a long time and i know it's no good saying sth pathetic like that.
but i really wanna start over, or, take a switch. viewing those pics, i know that's what i want.
'i want it so much.' ----i'm like the confessing girl in FLASH DANCE.
...
i begin to think where it got started. why our ways were paved before we decide where are we going?
why we had to make those choices when we were too young to know what we really want?
why the good-scored are supposed to go into finance & economics, tech, languages and the like?
and why are the art and other schools refuges to the (relative) poor-graded (no offence) instead of paradise to sb really into it?
grabing a backpack, i go on a trip.
and what can i do to make it right?
November 23 workin on sakae's specialall da pics were psed except da final article, da covers which kaine will help me with & da "standing figures"
working on it for over 10 hrs or more each day,cant remember, facing the wicked but mighty monitor, i'm exhausted
my pc's overloaded ,and so m i
gave up an idea & came up with another
calculated, diyed, abserved & adjusted, tried, again & again...
there's a lot more work than i've imagined, but i enjoyed it
i'm just afraid that da outcome won't be s good s i designed and expected.
cuz it's no more only about u although u started all this
i don't wanna let u down, or rather, don't wanna let myself down
November 12 HOW--WOW 喜欢一首歌是
反复听 不厌烦 总发现自己不经意的在哼唱那个调调 听的时候常常能把这歌当空气 不察觉它的存在 不觉得它很烦 但时时刻刻都需要
今天突然会时隔那么久 克服大懒惰 来写点东西 是因为今天的机缘巧合人让我很。。。舒服 发现自己活着没那么没劲
先是前些日子“认了”一个远方的小孩 当初他们问我 你要男的还是女的 有什么要求
我不愿意选择 我没权利 也不应该 当时听到旁边的人问：你们有女生发 初一初二的 可爱点的...?
CN 他们又不是商品。。。。
我说 你们随便给我一个吧 他就蒙着眼睛指了一个--张浩越（写在这里 怕自己忘记 呵呵 忘记并不代表什么 只是名字不那么重要）
中午 在嘈杂油腻的食堂里 我们就把有点破烂的合约签了 把200块给了
下午 去辅导员那里 抠门的系里终于打算发放100年前辩论赛的奖金 我早不记得这事了
上次户同学说要把他奖金给我 哈哈 多谢 多谢 不用了 你很帮忙的 等你拿到钱 我请你吃饭
哦 我和0子还要请小周和小林吃饭呢 那次“分赃”你们拿的太少了。。。
出去了200 又回来了200
面部纠结却心地善良的崔老师说当你不在乎的时候 它会来的
（ANNE BOLEYN着实要的太多了。。。） 我一向对钱没感觉
跟小学初中的精明相去甚远啊
但最近感觉老是数目进账 呵呵 虽然花的更多 额。。。。嘎嘎 钱不是这件事的重点
重点是。。。很。。。神奇 至少有一点点神奇~
另外 要感谢师傅 你脾气那么好 我犯错 你也不大发脾气 让我想想 怎么谢你呢。。。
最近在帮荣大少做特刊 我有好多好多的点子 很想做的FABULOUS 所以请你配合一下下啦 哈哈
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